


Doubt and Domesticity

by ChateauxWithChattox (Lurlur)



Category: Warlock the TV Show (Slow Show) - Fandom
Genre: Cooking, Domestic Bliss, Food, Getting Together, Harry the rabbit gets hurt but he's OK, Implied Sexual Content, Kissing, Misunderstandings, Multi, OT3, Post-Canon, and they all lived happily ever after
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-08
Updated: 2021-01-08
Packaged: 2021-03-12 13:36:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,107
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28636386
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lurlur/pseuds/ChateauxWithChattox
Summary: After the final events of Warlock, our OT3 find themselves living an idyliic life. Joshua, William, and Erasmus all take to it well, but Julia can't help feeling like she doesn't entirely belong. William and Erasmus have each other, there's no room for Julia in that equation, is there?
Relationships: Erasmus/William (Warlock - Slow Show), erasmus/william/julia (Warlock - Slow Show)
Comments: 5
Kudos: 15
Collections: Fandom Trumps Hate 2020, Slow Show Metaverse, Warlock fic





	Doubt and Domesticity

**Author's Note:**

  * For [argentconflagration](https://archiveofourown.org/users/argentconflagration/gifts).



> I just had to write something to get our OT3 properly together after the end of the show! No ambiguity! Let them all kiss!
> 
> This piece was written as part of the Fandom Trumps Hate 2020 auction for argentconflagration! (Sorry it took me so long, 2020 was a whole thing as I am sure you're aware.)

It had been, by far, the strangest month of Julia’s acquaintance with William and Erasmus. For seven long years she had run and hidden and lied and schemed to keep Joshua safe. She had faced things beyond her darkest nightmares and seen wonders that defied all logical explanation.. In her own, small way, Julia had helped bring true magic back into the world. She had forgotten more life-threatening close scrapes than most people would ever experience. And yet, these past four weeks had felt far more surreal.

The sun pooled in through the mullioned window, softly illuminating the kitchen table and the flowers spilled across it. Julia picked up a long-stemmed daisy and brought it to her lips, breathing deeply through her nose to get the scent. She was happy, even as William tutted and reached to take the flower from her, slipping it into the vase he was filling. She grinned, feeling silly and giddy with the simple joy of being safe.

Safe. That’s what had Julia at odds with herself. Safety was something she had forgotten, experienced only in the briefest snatches of respite, hard-won and short-lived. Even then, in those soft and golden moments, Julia knew they had never truly been safe. Ever since the night she had fled her home with Joshua barely a few hours old, Julia had not known true peace or safety until now. The idea that this time it was different, that _this time_ they were truly free from threat or a sudden uprooting was proving more difficult to accept than Julia had expected.

Her happiness of a mere moment prior soured in her mouth. Seven years is a long time to live in the shadows, she should have known that it would take some time to shake off all of the darkness.

The back door burst open, letting in a gust of spring-sweet air and making Julia jump. William’s eyes widened in momentary alarm, a reaction that Julia understood all too well, but then he was scrambling to keep his flowers from being blown away.

Erasmus appeared in the doorway with Joshua on his hip. Their cheeks were ruddy and their hair wild from the wind. Julia loved them so desperately that her heart felt fit to burst at the sight of them.

She watched Erasmus gently release Joshua, letting him slither to the floor. He was all arms and legs these days, gangly and really too big to be carried. That hadn’t stopped any of them yet and she doubted that it would for quite some time to come.

“Go on,” said Erasmus, nudging Joshua forward his the flat of his hand.

A moment later, Julia had a lap full of squirming child as he tried to get himself seated on her. It seemed that Joshua himself was not yet ready to give up being held and carried.

“Look!” he said, opening his hands for Julia’s inspection.

Taking his wrists, Julia gently moved Joshua’s hands away from her face and back to a distance that she could focus on. In his palms he held a mound of tiny soap bubbles. She moved to touch them and froze as soon as she realised that they were solid.

“Aren’t you clever?” she cooed, recovering her poise and knocking the bubbles around Joshua’s hands. “They’re very pretty.”

“Made them for you.” Joshua tipped the bubbles into Julia’s hands, smiling widely and showing the gap where he’d recently lost a tooth.

“Oh!” Julia cupped her palms just in time to keep the bubbles from spilling out. “Thank you very much.”

In the sunlight, they reflected a multitude of tiny rainbows and looked more beautiful than any pearl or diamond that Julia had ever seen.

She looked up, wanting to share her delight with William and Erasmus, and managed to catch the tail end of a kiss between the two. The soft and loving look they shared felt too personal to witness, Julia forced herself to look away with a sharp turn of her head.

Joshua’s arms wound around her neck, helping to calm the irrational spike of envy that had claimed her.

“Let’s find somewhere safe to put these, shall we?” she said before tipping Joshua from her lap and following him into the room they shared.

Erasmus and William deserved their safety and freedom just as much. She didn’t want them to have to hide and censor the joy that they had found together, and certainly not because she was struggling to find where she fit into this new dynamic.

“Julia?” Joshua called, bringing her focus back to the present, “when are you going to unpack?”

He was shoulder-deep in her pack, rooting around in the same bag she’d carried since the night he was born.

“Soon,” she lied, “I’m far too busy enjoying myself for now.”

Joshua grinned and reached deeper into the pack, his tongue now poking out in concentration as he  dug around in Julia’s meagre possessions. With a noise of triumph, he pulled out something dark and woollen. It took Julia a moment to recognise it as one of the mittens that Joshua had worn as a much younger child. A length of wool hung from the cuff, frayed where it had been snapped and parted from its twin.

Unbidden, the memory of Erasmus disappearing into an inky night popped to the front of her mind. He’d been gone for eight days, creating a false trail for the Inquisition. That was where the other mitten had gone, she knew.

“You keep the weirdest things,” Joshua was saying, “but they’ll be safe in here.”

“Then that is why I kept it,” said Julia with a wink, forcing out a display of good humour for him.

Joshua held the cuff of the mitten open, letting Julia pour her new treasures into it without spilling any, then he used the length of loose wool to tie it closed.

“Just until you can think of what to do with them,” he said, smiling as he handed the mitten to her.

That night, once Joshua was tucked into bed, Julia sat on a stool beside him. The room was lit by a single candle on the dresser.

“Which story tonight, my lamb?”

He rolled onto his side to face her, Harry the Rabbit held tight to his chest. His face looked serious in the flickering light.

“Tell me the one about the apple tree again,” he said, gently pleading as though he expected Julia to refuse. She smiled, showing her teeth in delight.

“Alright,” she said, leaning back against the wall and settling in for the story, “when me and your mam were about as little as you are now, there was an old apple tree on the village common. It was the perfect tree for climbing, with strong limbs and lots of places to sit. In the summer, we could sit high enough up in the tree that the leaves covered us completely. It was our favourite place to hide.

“Towards the end of the summer, when the apples were getting ripe and there was too much work to do on the farms, we would disappear up that tree for hours on end. Your mam would make up stories to tell me and I would braid her hair until it got too dark to see. It felt like a different world.

“The thing about the tree was that it didn’t belong to anyone. It was on the common, not land that anyone owned. People would pluck an apple as they were passing, and the ponies would help themselves to any windfalls, but no one harvested it. There was a sort of understanding about it. Does that make sense?”

Julia had told this story countless times, but she always made sure that Joshua understood that the tree was a community tree, its bounty belonging to no one and everyone all at once.

He nodded  silently and Julia continued.

“Moira and I probably ate more than our fair share, being as we spent so much time up in the branches, but I reckon we only ate ones that were out of reach of people passing by. Only the ponies should have taken issue with us and they didn’t know what they were missing out on.

“It was late, one day, later than we usually stayed out and fully dark. Your mam was avoiding going home and I had always had too much freedom, so we just stayed. Just as it was getting too cold to stay out, we heard someone coming. We peeked out between the leaves and saw the village priest riding up with his little pony and cart.

“At first, we thought we’d been caught and that he’d come to fetch us home, so we stayed very still and quiet. We watch him get down from the cart and tie the pony to the tree, then he gets a ladder out of the back of his cart and sets it up right under us. Before we can work out what’s going on, he starts picking the apples, putting them in a sling he’s wearing. Well, maybe he’s making a big pie so he needs quite a few apples, we think. He gets down off the ladder and empties the sling into the cart but he doesn’t drive off then, he climbs back up the ladder and picks another load, and another.

“Your mam looks at me, totally scandalised, because this is _the priest_ and he’s _stealing_ the apples! Everyone knew you didn’t do this, no matter who you were. Not only that, but if he kept picking, he’d find us pretty soon and then we might be in trouble for being out so late.

“I’m just about to give myself up and try to distract him so that Moira can get away because she’d get the beating and I’d just get kept in for a day or two. But Moira, your mam, she’s not about to give up so easily. She puts on this really gruff, deep voice and calls down ‘That’s enough now’. I’d never heard her sound like that, but it was completely convincing. The poor priest just about fell off his ladder and it was all I could do not to laugh. He looks up into the tree but it’s so dark and we’re so high up that he doesn’t see us. ‘Lord?’ he asks, and I think I might wet myself from laughing.

“Moira isn’t rattled, she just goes ‘These aren’t your apples’ and then, after a bit of a pause, ‘Thou shalt not steal’. Well, that does it for the priest. He throws his ladder into the cart and just about yanks his pony’s reins free from the tree before bolting out of there. Moira and I were in tears from laughing so much by the time we climbed down from the tree. We sneaked back to my house and managed to pretend that we’d been sleeping there all night, so no one was any the wiser.

“The next we heard about it, the priest was telling everyone that he’d heard the voice of God coming from the old apple tree. He had a sign made to tell people not to take more than their share which mostly just annoyed everyone because it had never been a problem before. Your mam and I never told anyone that we’d been there, not until I started telling you all our stories, anyway.”

Her throat was dry by the time she’d finished telling the story, and Joshua looked no closer to sleep than he had when she’d started, but they’d never missed a story time in all their years together. Julia had never forgotten her promise to Moira and did her best to keep Joshua’s mother alive through her memories.

“I like that one a lot,” said Joshua, tucking himself up under his blanket, “I like knowing that my mam was funny and naughty.”

“She was the funniest person I’ve ever known, even more than William when he’s trying to be serious and you can’t stop giggling.” Julia gave him a knowing look to drive home just how much funnier his mother had been.

“I wish I’d know her,” he said, not for the first time, “but I’m glad I’ve got you.”

“Me too, my lamb, me too.”

She kissed his forehead and stroked his hair before wishing Joshua and Harry a good night and leaving the room, taking the candle with her.

William and Erasmus were still up, and likely would be for some hours still. Julia found them by the fire, speaking in hushed tones with their heads bowed together like conspirators. She felt like an intruder, an interloper forcing her unwelcome presence on them.  Glancing back towards the bedroom, she briefly considered just turning in for the night instead of making the men tolerate her company. If she went back in now, Joshua would start asking her a million questions and talking her ears off, they’d never get any sleep. But staying out here, where she was an outsider, a  disruption to the fragile intimate domesticity that William and Erasmus were beginning to build, it wasn’t exactly a welcome idea.

She’d just decided to step out of the cottage for a stroll around the town square when Erasmus noticed her.

“Julia, come sit with us,” he said, holding out a hand to her.

She hesitated, glancing between his offered hand and the door, wondering which choice would hurt her less. William turned away from the fire to smile at her and her fate was decided. She stepped forward and took Erasmus’ hand, letting him guide her to a seat beside him.

“Bedtime go alright?” William asked, poking at the fire with a stick until it crackled.

“Yes, he’s had his story and he’s all snuggled up. I think we’ll have a restful night.”

Julia didn’t need to elaborate on that. They had all experienced Joshua’s bad nights, when he would wake in fearful tears, seeking his family in the darkness. They were becoming less frequent,  less violent, but it was a slow process. Julia hoped that being settled in one place would help, but she couldn’t think about that for too long without feeling guilty. She hadn’t told any of them that she was leaving, too much of a coward to face their disappointment.  She hadn’t even decided  _when_ she was leaving, she just knew that staying wasn’t an option. Not with things the way they were.

“I made you a drink,” said William, handing over a cup with gently steaming contents and forcing Julia out of her silent musings.

“Thank you,” she said, taking a sip of the mulled wine and letting it chase away the beginnings of the night chill.

It quickly became evident that Erasmus and William had  some ulterior motive for inviting her over t sit with them. They were exchanging glances and nudging each other, clearly neither wanting to be the one to broach whatever topic was on their minds. Oh, how she loved these idiots.

She loved them in a way that they would never reciprocate. The knowing of that had been difficult at first, especially as she had watched them discover that love for each other over their years together. They had each other, William and Erasmus, and that was all they needed. There was no Julia-shaped hole in that relationship and she wouldn’t have wanted to displace either one of them and take their place. The very thought of being the thing that drove William and Erasmus apart was distasteful  to her  in the extreme. 

In her most private thoughts, in the dead of night when there was nothing but the silence of a barn owl’s flight, Julia had imagined a moment much like this. A warm fire, a safe home, and an offer of the intimacy she craved from the men she loved. In the light of day, these fancies were laughable.

Erasmus cleared his throat and put his cup on the floor by his foot before twisting on his stool and facing Julia. His movements were slow and deliberate, so much so that Julia felt the hairs on the back of her neck begin to stand.

“Julia,” he said as William sagged in relief beside him, “are you happy here?”

She took a moment to examine the question from all angles, working out where the trap would spring from. The habit formed out of seven years of trauma and survival at any cost. It seemed safe enough if she answered well.

“Surprisingly, unbelievably, yes,” she said with a smile, “I never thought this would be possible, but here we are. Yes, I’m happy.”

Erasmus and William exchanged a glance that she didn’t understand.

“Then why are you planning on leaving?” William asked, the words falling out in a rush.

Julia stuttered in shock, unable to get out more than a broken syllable.

“ _William_ ,” Erasmus hissed, irritated, he focused back on Julia before speaking again. “You seem to have one foot out of the door. At first, I thought it was because you were so used to being on the run, you were treating this place like one of the temporary safe houses by keeping your bag packed and sleeping with your boots on, figuratively speaking.” He added the last as Julia held up one bare foot and wiggled her toes. “But it’s not that, is it? You just don’t want to stay.”

The jaws of the trap snapped shut around her, pinning Julia in with her lies and exposing them so easily.  She opened her mouth to respond but nothing came out.

“We won’t make you stay, Julia, not if this is making you miserable. But if there was something we could do to make you happy here, truly happy, you must know that we would do it.” William’s eyes were swimming with the threat of tears and Julia could withstand almost anything, but William crying had always been a weakness of hers.

“No,” she said, trying to be firm, “my happiness is no more important than yours. I could not and will not ask you to diminish your joy in order to assuage my selfishness.”

In one fluid movement, Erasmus stood and ushered Julia onto his newly vacated stool. Once she had moved, he took her space so that she was bracketed between the two men.

“I do not believe that there is anything you could ask of us that would make you selfish, my sweet witch,” said William, combing his fingers through Julia’s hair.

She fell into his shoulder and gripped him about the waist, holding him and hiding her face in shame. How could she tell him that what she wanted was the one thing he had almost given everything for? Erasmus move closer behind her, stroking her back. Neither of them mentioned it when she began to sob.

“We want you to be here with us, there’s no home for us if you aren’t in it.” Erasmus’ voice was warm and smooth and easy to believe. That had always been his gift.

“That’s exactly right, we’re a family when we’re together. To lose you would be to lose that bond, you are integral to that.” William’s words were no less impactful and Julia began a new round of sobs.

When she finally sat up, ineffectually rubbing at the damp patch on Willian’s doublet, Julia was more conflicted than ever.

“I thought you’d just use Joshua as a reason to stay!” she said, sniffling, “You weren’t supposed to actually care about me yourselves!”

Erasmus laughed and hugged her from behind.

“You daft thing, of course we care about you. We love you.”

“Joshua would be heartbroken, but you know that. You need to know that all three of us would be lost without you,” said William.

From within the warm cocoon of affection, Julia let herself believe them and  began to consider a future where she stayed.

When Julia awoke the next morning, Joshua was already up and out of their room. A cup of water sat on the dresser with condensation beading on the glazed surface, letting her know that it would be cool and fresh. Just what she needed after the night before. She drank it in sips, in between washing and dressing and tying up her hair.

The three of them had spoken late into the night, allowing themselves to be more vulnerable than they had in some time. Although Julia felt as though nothing had truly been settled, she found herself pulling open one of the empty dresser drawers and moving a few items of clothing into it. Things she could just about bear to lose if she did have to leave in a hurry, but it wasn’t nothing. It wasn’t. On a whim, she pocketed the mitten full of bubbles before closing the drawer and leaving the room.

“William’s making breakfast,” Joshua said in a stage whisper as soon as Julia emerged from the bedroom.

She grimaced, making Joshua giggle and earning a softly reproachful look from Erasmus which then immediately morphed into  a look of horror as William placed a bowl on the table in front of him.

“Really, you three are so cruel to me,” William said, swatting Erasmus on the shoulder.

Joshua took his bowl from William just before Erasmus caught William’s collar and pulled him down for a kiss. Julia’s stomach turned. All the easy affection of the night before soured in her gut as she watched them bask in each other’s love. There would be none of that for her.

“Oh! S’not bad, William!” Joshua declared with his mouth still half-full of porridge.

Julia gave him a wink and swept past to look through her herbs and spices. When William turned back to tend his cooking, Julia sprinkled a dash of cinnamon into Joshua’s bowl before raising a questioning eyebrow at Erasmus. He nodded and put his hands together in a silent plea so she took pity and gave him a little as well.

“Julia,” William began, his back still to the rest of the room, “I wouldn’t presume to help myself to your collection, but now you’re awake might I trouble you for a touch of something to improve this porridge?”

Erasmus had to smother a laugh in his sleeve, his eyes bright as they met Julia’s across the table. She cleared her throat to try and sound composed when she answered, but Erasmus was practically giggling and Joshua’s cheeks were straining with the effort of keeping his mouthful of porridge contained.

“Of course, you can always help yourself, though. You know that.” Julia almost held it together but lost control of her amusement right at the end. “I’m sorry, William, I’m not laughing at you! I promise!”

“Oh, it’s quite alright,” William said, turning away from the fireplace, “it was good of you to keep these two from complaining. Not sure my pride could take the blow.” He rapped Erasmus lightly on the head with a big serving spoon.

“You better not have got porridge in my hair, priest,” Erasmus groused, pulling away and running his fingers over his braid, feeling for any mess.

“Such a fusspot,” William said, smiling.

It all got a bit to sweet and cosy for Julia then, knowing that neither of them would ever turn that softness towards her. She busied herself with putting together a blend of spices for William’s porridge, throwing in a handful of the dried berries she had been given by one of the women in town.

After taking the spoon back from William and giving the pot a good stir, Julia served herself a bowl and sat at the table beside Joshua.

“What are everyone’s plans today?” William asked as he sat down with his own breakfast.

“Ras is gonna take me fishing!” said Joshua, “We’re gonna catch lots of fish for dinner tonight!”

Erasmus shifted on the bench, looking uneasy.

“I said ‘maybe’, Joshua, if I wasn’t needed by anyone else today.”

Julia held her hands up in a show of innocence.

“I’ve got things to do in town today, Alison Goode is nearing her lying in, and old Mrs Miller is going to need more willow bark. I’ve no claim on your time.”

All eyes turned expectantly to William who had to hastily swallow a mouthful of his breakfast to be able to answer.

“Well, I had hoped to make a start on breaking down the felled oak today, the carpenter fellow was very interested in buying the timber. But I suppose that can wait a day or two longer.”

Joshua punched the air in his elation, rocking the bench he shared with Julia.

“I guess we’re going fishing, then,” said Erasmus, an indulgent smile spreading over his face.

This was what happiness was supposed to feel like, Julia told herself, this warmth, shared meals, existing together and not just in the same place. It was wrong of her to want any more than this.

Still, she left the house first, slipping out while the others were occupied with the preparations for their plans. She needed a bit of time and distance before she could handle seeing another loving kiss, reminding her of what she lacked.

Julia made her rounds, checking in on the people who had already come to her for help over the past month. Little Jamie’s arm was healing well, Joseph’s fever had broken in the night so he was managing to drink a little bone broth, and even the brewer’s pony seemed to have stopped favouring that foreleg. She hadn’t realised quite how many people had already come to trust her, or even just know her name. Julia could barely walk more than three steps down the main street without someone calling to her in greeting. It was beyond bizarre to her after years of assumed identities and secretive movements in the night. When she asked the publican if he knew anyone who could help her with a project, she was amazed to find herself escorted to the house of the local smith so an introduction could be made.

 _This_ , she thought, _this is what it’s like to belong in a place._

It was early afternoon when Julia walked home through the woods, she kept her eyes scanning the ground for anything worth foraging. Although this was more out of habit than necessity as her shoulder bag was already heavy with gifts and trades from the townspeople. It seemed like everyone within several miles of their home had decided to make it their mission to ensure that Julia and her family didn’t starve.

She found a few good mushrooms, a clump of wild garlic, and took note of a beech tree for later in the year when the nuts would be ripe. It wasn’t the best time of year for foraging, but she could never pass up an opportunity. Spring blossoms fell like scented snow around her, telling her of the bounties that would soon weigh down the branches above. This was one of Julia’s favourite parts of living a little way out of town. The distance gave them the peace they needed, but the woodland that acted as a physical barrier would provide so many riches in the coming months.

As she crossed the humpback bridge over the river, she caught sight of Erasmus and Joshua a little way downstream. They had their heads bent together, concentrating on something in Erasmus’ hands. Watching them for a minute, Julia considered calling out, but they looked so intent on their task that she decided not to disrupt them, instead enjoying the sight of two parts of her heart enjoying themselves before continuing on to their cottage.

When she got in, she found a note from William telling her that he’d gone to visit the local priest to help with a translation issue. Julia was home alone, with no demands on her time, for the first time in what felt like forever. It was a freedom she hadn’t even realised that she’d been missing.

Ever responsible, she emptied her bag and dealt with her new acquisitions before anything else, putting everything in its proper place until she was left with just a ball of well spun wool on the table.

There was still a bit of porridge left by the fire, close enough to be warmed through. The dried fruits had plumped up during their long, slow cook and, as she ate, Julia began to think of other things she could use them in. The luxury of planning and time wasn’t something she was used to. She looked around their home and imagined how it might look with pots full of preserved food on the shelves, dried herbs hanging from the ceiling, and new blankets padding the seats. The little things that made a place look lived in, made a place a home. She knocked the wool between her hands for a minute, considering, before pushing herself up from the table and going to dig out Erasmus’ knitting needles.

She’d made good headway on her project by the time William came in, shrugging off his jacket and setting down a basket of spring vegetables.

“Good afternoon, Julia,” he said, smiling his warm and friendly smile, “how was your day been?”

“Oh, productive enough, I think. Came home with more than I had when I left, but I see that I’m not the only one encountering that!” she said with a laugh, indicating William’s haul of vegetables with her knitting needles.

“Everyone just seems so intent on giving us things,” William said, shaking his head, “as though we haven’t managed to keep ourselves alive and well all this time.”

“This is nicer though, isn’t it?” Julia lowered her voice to a conspiratorial whisper, grinning as widely as she ever had.

“Oh, without a doubt!” William grinned back before moving towards the fire.

As he passed behind her, he put his hands on her upper arms, squeezed gently, and kissed her cheek in such a manner that they had never before shared. It was so close to the intimacy that she craved and yet no more than a hollow imitation all at once.

William continued moving past and crouched before the fire, knocking out some of the ashes and sweeping them clear, apparently unaware of the impact his actions had on her.

“What was that?” Julia asked, her fingers brushing the place he had kissed.

“Hmm?” William looked over his shoulder at her, a confused frown forming. “What’s the matter?”

“You _kissed_ me, William,” Julia said in a hissing whisper, as though she feared being overheard, “you don’t kiss me, not like that, not like I’m...” she trailed off, unsure of what she wanted to say.

“Like you’re what?” William asked, standing and taking a tentative step toward her.

“Like I’m Erasmus,” she said weakly, losing the fire of indignation under a wave of melancholy.

“I am sorry, I thought-”

Whatever William’s thought, it was interrupted by the door bursting open and Joshua throwing himself at Julia.

“Harry’sruinedandErasmussayshecan’tfixhim!” Joshua cried all at once, his face buried in Julia’s skirt.

She abandoned her knitting on the table and lifted Joshua into her lap, wiping his tears away with her sleeve.

“You know I couldn’t understand any of that, dumpling, take a deep breath and try again?”

“Harry got hurt,” he sobbed, raising the hand holding his toy rabbit. Scraps of stuffing spilled from a split seam down his side. “Ras says he can’t fix it, said it’s too hard! You can do it though, can’t you, Julia? You can do anything.”

None of them understood why Joshua had never been able to use his gifts to repair Harry, but the multitude of patches and the mismatched paw told of Harry’s colourful history. Gently, Julia took the toy rabbit from Joshua and turned it over in her hands.

It was a simple split seam, not even a tear. Erasmus could have repaired it with his eyes closed if he’d wanted. Julia couldn’t understand why he’d refused, but if it had anything to do with trying to make Joshua give up the one comfort he’d known for his whole life, well, Julia would be having _words_ with him about that.

“Don’t cry, Harry will be alright,” Julia said before she kissed the top of Joshua’s head, “I’ll have him as good as new before bedtime tonight.”

“Really?” Joshua sniffled, looking so ridiculously hopeful that Julia had to fight not to laugh.

“Yes, really. Is Erasmus on his way back?”

Joshua nodded and rubbed at his face some more.

“We caught loads of fishes today,” he said.

Julia squeezed him in a hug and slid him off her lap, standing as soon as he stepped away.

“Why don’t you go help Ras bring them in while I get started with Harry?” she said, nudging Joshua back towards the door. He nodded and headed out at a much slower pace than his arrival. Julia fetched the sewing kit from the cabinet and turned back to William, gesturing with the leather packet. “I’m not done with you, we’ll talk later.” William opened his mouth and Julia held up a finger. “Later.”

Erasmus and Joshua had caught a good number of fat river trout and, within minutes of Erasmus’ return, the whole household was involved in the gutting, cleaning, and preparing of the haul. William took a few to grill for dinner, setting Joshua to work on chopping vegetables beside him. Erasmus collected the heads in a large pot to make stock. For the rest of the fish, Julia thought of her earlier plans and decided to test an idea. Sticking her hand up the chimney, she began to recite the common people’s prayer, snatching her hand back before getting past the second “badger”. Content that it was hot enough, she pinned the open fillets to racks and hung them on the hooks inside the chimney stack. They’d smoke and preserve overnight, giving them food for leaner months, if it worked.

Harry was all fixed up just before dinner was ready, Erasmus having taken over the cooking and doing a reasonable job of acting like he wasn’t avoiding Julia’s gaze. It really was a simple fix, Julia even managed to get Joshua to learn a little sewing while she worked. She sent him off to put Harry back in their shared room before dinner, reassuring him that Harry needed rest for his recovery.

They all ate together, once again at their cosy table with candlelight and William’s flowers. It was as perfect a scene as Julia could have imagined during their time without a home. As they ate, Joshua insisted on telling them all about the adventures that he and Erasmus had lived through that day, clearly proud of having provided for his family.

Julia was at her most conflicted as dinner came to an end. How could she consider leaving this home, this family, this peace? But how could she stay? No one would hold her in the way that she needed when the nights got cold, no one would want her in the way she needed to feel wanted. She loved Joshua like a mother. William and Erasmus, she loved in a way they would never return. They had each other and eyes for none other. It was beautiful to behold their love, but Julia was on the wrong side of the glass, just witnessing the warmth as her fingers froze.

William, Erasmus, and Joshua cleared up after dinner so there was room in front of the fire for the big tub they used for a bath. Joshua had got especially muddy during his time on the river bank, so a bath was deemed sensible. Unbothered by their nudity at this point in their acquaintance, Julia sat back and focused on her knitting, carefully checking the weight of her remaining wool to make sure she had enough to finish the project.

Before long, the men in her life were dressed in clean bedclothes and moving a bench to better catch the warmth of the fire. She took pity on them and mixed up a sweetened milk drink, putting it to heat through for a few minutes.

“Bed time after this, sweetling,” she said as she ruffled Joshua’s damp hair and handed him a cup of warm milk.

“Alright,” he said, cradling the cup between his hands. Based on past behaviour, he’d nurse the drink for as long as he could manage just to stay up a little longer and none of the adults minded at all. “Will you tell me a story out here?”

Julia looked at him, confused. He’d never asked to share his story before, although, in the past it had often been unavoidable.

“You sure that’s what you want?” she asked.

“Yes, please, tell me the one about the horse?” Joshua was adamant.

Erasmus smothered a laugh behind his hand, clearly remembering the story in question. Julia shot him a sharp glance, in no mood to put up with his mockery.

“Of course,” Julia said and took a sip from her own cup before beginning.

By the time she got to the part where the horse had bolted out of its pasture with Julia clinging to its mane and barely staying on, Joshua was howling with laughter. William and Erasmus weren’t far behind him. Usually, Julia found a great deal of humour in this particular tale and would giggle along with Joshua, but she found that she was in no mood to be laughed at by them all. Remembering her promise to Moira, Julia managed to finish the story properly without letting Joshua know quite how upset she was. William had calmed himself back from full laughter and was looking far more sombre, but Erasmus hadn’t picked up on Julia’s discomfort and was roaring along with Joshua.

“So, soaked in pond water, squelching in ruined boots, your ma and I walked back to the Poynters’ farm to explain about how we’d stolen and then lost their horse. We were almost at the house when the blasted animal trotted past us and let himself into his pasture, closing the gate behind him. All on his own, like he’d just been out on a pleasant little run. We closed the bolt on his gate and went home, hoping that no one knew what had happened.” Julia finished with a sigh.

“But they did know, didn’t they?” Joshua prompted, his eyes bright.

“Yes, they knew. Everyone knew.”

“Because the horse did it to everyone! And you screamed so loud that half the village thought you’d been seriously hurt!” Joshua was gleeful in his interruption, swinging his feet under the bench.

Julia smiled, unable to completely resist the joy he exuded.

“That’s right. You know these stories better than I do at this point, young man!”

Joshua turned solemn, serious in that way that only children can truly pull off.

“I like hearing them from you. It wouldn’t be the same if I told them.” He slipped off the bench and held Harry to his chest, looking small and vulnerable. Julia’s heart clenched painfully at the sight of him. “Ras, will you come tuck me in?” Joshua asked.

Confusion flashed across Erasmus’ face, chased away by a bright smile as he got to his feet.

“Of course, say your goodnights to William and Julia first, though.”

Julia hugged him tightly when it was her turn to bid Joshua goodnight, breathing in the clean scent of his hair and kissing his forehead.

“It’s alright,” he said cryptically.

Erasmus took him off to the bedroom then, already being drawn into a conversation about when they might next go fishing together. Shaking her head, Julia carried on with her knitting, reasoning that Erasmus would be held captive for several long minutes. She needed time to get her thoughts in order before attempting to discuss the days events with William and Erasmus.

Thankfully, William appeared content to sit in silent contemplation, shifting only to add a log to the fire. Once, he cleared his throat and Julia froze, fearful of what he might say, but he merely shifted on the bench and settled back into silence.

Presently, Erasmus returned from putting Joshua to bed. An easy smile graced his lips and Julia was struck, once more, by how handsome he was with the weight of a stressful survival no longer crushing him. He swung a leg over the bench beside her, straddling it and facing her.

“You’re in an odd mood tonight,” he said after a moment of watching her knit, “shall we talk?”

“Are you able to, or is that another skill you’ve suddenly lost?” Julia snapped without looking up.

William sucked in a sharp breath to the other side of her and a log snapped in the fire but no one spoke for too long.

“You’re angry about Harry?” Erasmus asked carefully.

“I am _furious_ about the decision you made about Harry,” Julia said, practically spitting, “A decision you made without seeing fit to discuss it with us.”

Out of the corner of her eye, Julia saw William start as if he meant to comfort her. Erasmus held up a hand and stalled him. Julia starred at her knitting, forcing herself to keep winding the wool about the needles.

“What decision do you think I made?” Erasmus asked.

“You told Joshua that Harry was beyond repair. He was distraught about it when he got home. You know as well as any of us how few comforts he has had in his life and yet you contrived to remove the most significant.” Julia’s voice was a hissing whisper, reminiscent of a snake’s warning.

“I- Wha- No, that’s not- Julia, that’s not what I was doing.” Erasmus stumbled over himself in the rush to reassure her. “I wouldn’t ever try to take Harry from Joshua. I’m not a monster.”

William groaned, apparently connecting the dots faster than Julia could.

“So why tell him you couldn’t fix a simple ripped seam?” Julia looked up then and found Erasmus looking extremely sheepish.

“I was trying to make you feel wanted, needed even. I wanted you to remember how important you are as a part of this family.”

Julia frowned, her knitting momentarily abandoned.

“By giving me busywork?”

“Far from it,” Erasmus said, his cheek pinking in embarrassment. “It was an ill planned thought, granted, but I wanted to remind you of how it feels to have Joshua need you.”

William groaned, smothering his face with his hands as Julia twisted to face him.

“I haven’t forgotten about you either,” she said sharply, “the whole house has taken leave of its senses today, it seems.”

“We are fools, Erasmus,” William said from behind his hands, “fools and worse besides.”

Julia looked between the two men, her head swivelling as she tried to make sense of what was happening. She was starting to feel like the butt of a very cruel joke.

“What are you talking about?” she demanded.

William lowered his hands and shuffled closer, shamefaced but also oddly amused about the eyes.

“My dear Julia, I fear we have been too veiled in our meanings, afraid of speaking a vulnerable truth in the words it deserves. After last night, I thought that all was understood between us. It appears that Erasmus was not convinced and planned to further sway you.” William chuckled self consciously.

“What did you do?” Erasmus asked, a panicked edge in his voice.

“What are you talking about?” Julia said, her volume rising.

William held out his hands in a calming gesture, glancing towards the room where Joshua slept.

“Peace, loves. I will explain.” He took a deep breath and reached for one of Julia’s hands. “Julia, forgive me my forwardness earlier. I thought an understanding existed where it did not. Last night, Erasmus and I were trying to explain our feelings without using the correct words.”

Somewhere behind her, Erasmus made a soft noise of understanding which then choked into quiet despair. He slipped from the bench onto the floor, coming to his knees before Julia and taking her other hand.

“We love you, Julia,” William continued, “we love you as we love each other. Not as a sister or as a friend but as a husband loves his wife. The thought of you leaving is so very painful, it would be like losing part of my heart. Our time in this home had given me cause to hope that such affections might be returned.”

He looked so hopeful and open that Julia was distracted from his words for a moment. Erasmus pressed a kiss to her knuckles, lightly jolting her back to the present moment.

“You do?” she asked, “You love me?” She looked from William to Erasmus and back again, certain that she must be misunderstanding.

“We do,” Erasmus confirmed, “please, let us be happy together. Do not leave us.”

Her vision began to swim, emotion and fulfilled hope flooding her eyes with tears. She felt rather than saw Erasmus reach for her, drawing her down into his lap and holding her against his chest. The solid warmth of William soon pressed close behind her, enveloping her in an embrace she wished to never leave.

“You _are_ fools,” she said, laughing wetly, “you say pretty words and contrive silly tasks for me, but you miss the very noses on your face. I already decided to stay and anyone who knew me would have seen it!” She drew a deep breath and relaxed into the arms of the men she loved, letting them hold her. “That said, I find that I love you both, even as the fools you are.”

Smiling to herself, Julia felt the small movements around her as William and Erasmus tried to discern her meaning. From within the comfort of the cuddle, she reached out one arm and tapped the bench beside her knitting, drawing their attention.

Erasmus groaned and buried his face in Julia’s hair.

“Worse than fools,” William muttered, sounding amused.

“You’re knitting socks, Julia. How did we miss that? You’ll have your own socks.” Erasmus kissed her hair every few words, smiling widely.

“I believe I have the room for them now,” Julia said, tilting her head back to be able to see the daft looks on their faces.

With a fresh understanding of each other, the three soon found that there were other matters to explore. Sat upon the hearth rug with the banked fire keeping them warm, Julia exchange her first kisses with her loves. She found that Erasmus kissed hungrily, a passionate collision of lips and tongue that left her breathless in more ways than one. William kissed her sweetly, as if she were a delicacy to be sampled and savoured. They balanced each other perfectly and Julia began to wonder how she would fit with them.

“Come to bed,” William said, his lips tracing her throat.

“Yes,” she replied, the only possible answer she could give.

There was room enough in the bed for the three of them. It felt natural for Julia to lie against William, her head nestled in the curve of his arm, with Erasmus on the other side of their priest and tangling their fingers together. She wasn’t surplus or an afterthought added on, she was a key part of the love they all shared. She had just been too blind to see it herself. Just before sleep claimed her, Julia thought that she might tell William and Erasmus that she was just as much a fool as they ha been, but there was no rush. It could wait a year or two, at least.

The next morning, Julia woke having slept better than she could ever remember. She had rolled away in the night but William’s arm was now across her in a comfortable embrace.

“Not a dream, then,” she whispered happily.

Erasmus snorted from somewhere behind her.

“No, not a dream.”

They got up slowly, attending to their morning toilette with an ease born of years of close companionship. Nothing was awkward or tense as they moved around each other and Julia found herself relaxing, releasing an anxiety that she hadn’t yet acknowledged. This was something that was real and allowed, she could have this happiness, grab it with both hands rather than live in the shadow of what might have been. By the time Julia made her way into the main room of the house, she was practically floating with happiness.

William greeted her with a kiss and Erasmus pressed a cup of cool water into her hands, smiling so softly at her. As she drank, Julia caught an unusual scent. She lowered the cup to take a deeper sniff before placing the source.

“The fish! We should see if it worked!” she said, crossing to the hearth.

“We promised Joshua that we’d wait for him,” William said, “he’s just fetching another pail of water.”

“Oh, that’s only fair,” Julia agreed. A thought struck her, something that should have perhaps occurred earlier. “Did Joshua mention anything about me not sleeping in my bed?”

“Oh yes, he was horrified and suggested we immediately try and sell you at the hiring fair!” Erasmus said, laughing.

William tutted and flicked him with the wet rag he held, chiding him.

“We told him that you slept with us and he was very happy with that,” William amended, glaring at Erasmus, “I think he was quite pleased, actually.”

Julia absorbed that information, refusing to be surprised again by the perceptiveness of their child. Nothing seemed to escape the notice of Joshua if he wished it.

A moment later, the boy himself appeared with his pail of water. He moved carefully, refusing to spill even a drop of water although his shoes looked to have half the well in them.

“Can we check the fish now?” he asked as soon as his cargo was delivered, no other concern on his young face.

It was the work of mere minutes to fetch down the smoking racks and inspect the fruits of their labours. All seemed well and Julia declared that they should try the smoked trout for breakfast. Erasmus scrambled a few eggs while William was trusted to toast bread and Julia made space at the table.

As they ate together, enjoying company and the product of their industry, Julia found that she had truly never been happier. Nothing could make this life more perfect now that she had found it.

During the morning, Julia moved all her belongings from her pack into the dresser, uncovering memories with each new item. They could exist here in this hard-won peace they had found, no less potent for being surrounded by comfort and joy.

The socks were finished by midday and Julia wasted no time in pulling them on and stuffing her feet into her boots.

“Going out for a bit, anyone need anything from town?” she called through the house.

No requests were forthcoming, just wishes for a safe trip and speedy return, so Julia set out into the woods and made for the smith’s workshop.

Her journey was delayed by several pleasant distractions: friendly conversation with the miller’s wife, checking in on the schoolmistress to see if her ankle was healing, and collecting a recipe from the kindly widow who sat all day in the market square, but presently, Julia completed her intended errand and made her way back home with treasure in her pocket.

Erasmus kissed her upon her return and stunned her into silence for nearly a full minute. She was still adjusting to the flood of happiness that each kiss delivered and Erasmus seemed to know when best to render her speechless.

“Did you do what you needed to?” he asked once Julia had her faculties back.

He was sharpening their knives with a whetstone and the movement was vaguely hypnotic.

“Yes, I’m very pleased with the result,” Julia said dreamily, fingering the treasures hiding within her skirts.

“Excellent,” Erasmus said and returned to his task.

Julia wanted to wait for the family to be together before she revealed her purpose.

It happened that there wasn’t a good moment until they were all sat down for dinner. Joshua and William had been out for the entire afternoon and only made it home as dusk was falling.

“I have something for all of you,” Julia said once everyone had eaten enough to dull the sharp edges of hunger.

“A present?” Joshua asked, bright-eyed and eager.

“Yes, a present and a promise.”

Erasmus put down his spoon and gave Julia his full attention, elbowing William to do the same. Flushing hotly, Julia reached into her pocket and pulled out the little hessian bag that the smith had given her.

“I spoke to the village smith yesterday and had him make these for all of us.” As she spoke, Julia tipped out the bag onto the table. Four matching pendants fell out, sparkling even in the low light. “They’re the bubbles that Joshua magicked, they were so pretty that I wanted to make something with them. I thought, if we each had one, perhaps we would always have the reminder of our family with us, even if we have to be apart from time to time.”

“What’s the promise, Julia?” Erasmus asked in a soft, low voice.

She swallowed hard, blinking to clear her vision.

“It’s my promise to always love you, each of you, and to be committed to this family no matter what.”

“Oh, Julia,” William sniffed, reaching across to clasp her hand, “that’s beautiful. We are committed to you as well, you do know that?”

She nodded and quickly looked away, a thickness in her throat threatened to make her words too raw so she picked up one of the pendants and held it out to Joshua. He grinned and turned so that she could tie the leather thong about his neck, holding his shaggy hair out of the way.

By consensus, it was agreed that Julia should tie the necklaces on to each of them, sealing each exchange with a kiss. William, Erasmus, and Joshua contrived to tie Julia’s own pendant together and managed it with only minimal silliness. As the three of them pressed in close to hold Julia and promise their own commitment, Julia felt something deep in her chest.

A part of her heart that had been mothballed and abandoned fluttered to life again. Julia recognised the feeling of being home, truly home, and it was good.


End file.
